god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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