turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Randomize
