Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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