you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
