Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
they need to just BURY HIM!
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
