her vagine was all disorganized.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
