Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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