Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
