and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
