Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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