YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My ass is underappreciated
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
