Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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