just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
farters have to be the big spoon...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
