I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i love accidental penises.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
