wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
