Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She needs sedatives and a leash
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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