Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
