Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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