Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
