question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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