this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
