My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
