I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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