the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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