Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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