Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
This is my gift to your gina
I got inside last night via doggy door
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
