I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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