he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
