i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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