this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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