I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
