You're earring is so big in my mouth
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
