Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
