It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
