I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
