Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
