You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
