I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
