i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
