What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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