I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
