my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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