i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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