Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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