i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
