from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
