It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
