I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
