i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
