I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
A+ Viking dick
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
